A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Marriage Jokes :: #4454 By Jason Salim from Chattanoga Tennessee USA. A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the E-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother's cry, the widow's 18-year-old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on with a message. It reads: Dear love, Just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you. Love, Me. P.S. Sure is hot down here. Forward this joke to your friends >>   One-Liners :: #1018 By cindy schurman from snohomish USA. Friends - Enemies Keep your friends close but your enemies closer     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Bar & Drinking Jokes :: #1088 By Lazarus from British Columbia Canada The Old Man and the Sea A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"  The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".  "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?  "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."  "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?  "A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.  "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.  "Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."  Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #2030 By @accessbee.comJoey from USA. Being Grateful For What You Have In The Present Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be struck blind: Hear the music of voices, the song of a bird, as if you would be struck deaf. Touch each object as if tomorrow your sense of touch would fail-smell perfume of flowers, taste with relish each morsel as if tomorrow you could never smell or taste again. Helen Keller     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Animal Jokes :: #234 By Mark O. from Unknown A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?" The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!" Forward this joke to your friends >>   One-Liners :: #4106 By Joel B from Brisbane Australia Old Age There is no shame in growing old as the only other alternative is to die young.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

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A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #2455 By Rachel from USA. A man found a magic genie who would grant him one wish. The man said to the genie," I wish that I had a non-stop bridge from here to Hawaii." The genie said," I'm sorry, but that's going to be very hard. Do you have another wish?" The man answered, "Of course! I want the power to understand all women." The genie thought for a minute. He replied, "How many platforms did you want on that bridge?" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #51 By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA. QUOTE: Success, Emerson "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." -Ralph Waldo Emerson     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Elderly Jokes :: #464 By Sunil from London Unknown Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #51 By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA. QUOTE: Success, Emerson "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." -Ralph Waldo Emerson     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Police Jokes :: #603 By SimpleSentiments.com from Pembroke Pines Florida Unknown Quick Wit:  A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.  "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".  "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."  "But officer, I just wanted to say...."  "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"  A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."  "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."  Forward this joke to your friends >>   Miscellaneous :: #1046 By Brandan Salany from Pittsburgh USA. Take the furture head on. And do it with a smile. : ) "Everything happens for a reason, don't worry about the reason just live with what happens"     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Kid Jokes :: #13092 By Lynda Richman from Oxnard CA USA. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #99 By Les Bautista from Chicago USA. Something to think about The content of a man's character, is not where he stands in times of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy -Martin Luther King Jr.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Male Jokes :: #133 By Donna Stuckert from USA. The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in." Forward this joke to your friends >>   One-Liners :: #207 By Anon. from USA. Arguing I've never learned anything from someone who agreed with me.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Entertainment Jokes :: #17258 By from Unknown Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Investment :: #6214 By Dennis from Los Angeles USA. Paying off your Mortgage At the time of your mortgage being paid off, the Bank/Mortgage Co. may send you two documents; one that states the loan was "paid and canceled," and also a disbursement check voucher that states the mortgage was paid in full. Now, in order for you to prove that you own the property outright you need to have your mortgage (called a deed of trust) released from land records in the county where your property is located. You can either contact the "recorder of deeds in your county where your property is located and have it released from land records" or have your attorney do this.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Miscellaneous Jokes :: #5131 By Poonam Aggarwal from India Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left -- you're standing on my oxygen tube!" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Proverbs :: #353 By Lin Sung from San Fransico USA. Peace in the World "If there is light in the soul, There will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, There will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house, There will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, There will be peace in the world." ~Chinese Proverb     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com