WeeklyJokes.com #52

Hi :),

Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com.

ROYAL NAVY FITNESS REPORTS

The British military writes OFR's (Officer Fitness Reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marine fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope--always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Attention Homeowners:

Are you thinking about installing a solar power
system on your home?

Are you planning to make your home more energy
efficient?

Are you thinking about installing a geothermal
heat pump?

If so, visit http://www.CleanEnergySecrets.com/homeowner
first and find out how you can save thousands of dollars...

----------------------------------------

Free inspiration, motivation, and humor in your
email inbox.

http://www.BestDailyQuote.com

----------------------------------------

Is someone's snoring keeping you up at night?
If so, you're not alone.

http://www.quitsnoring.com

----------------------------------------

You are receiving this email because you signed
up for the service at http://www.weeklyjokes.com

---------*---------*---------*---------*---------*---------*

Inspirational Quote

Get into a line that you will find to be a deep personal
interest, something you really enjoy spending twelve to
fifteen hours a day working at, and the rest of the time
thinking about.

- Earl Nightingale

---------*---------*---------*---------*---------*---------*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This email is brought to you by:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beyond the Fire Light Publishing, Inc.
931 S. Bayonne Drive
Pueblo, CO 81007
USA

Publishers of numerous teleseminars, blogs, and newsletters including:

Take the guesswork out of marketing your business:
http://www.TheAskMarketingSystem.com/blog
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the biggest question you have about vacationing in Hawaii?
http://www.HawaiianVacationSecrets.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is your biggest question about Golden Retrievers?
http://www.MyGoldenRetrieverSecrets.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you living your passion? If not, why not?
http://www.LiveYourPassion.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When was the last time you laughed out-loud?
http://www.WeeklyJokes.com

If you no longer wish to receive communication from us:
http://autocontactor.com/app/r.asp?ID=1067824305&ARID=210096&D=357

To update your contact information:
http://autocontactor.com/app/r.asp?c=1&ID=1067824305&D=357

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Miscellaneous Jokes :: #572 By Gemma Piscotti from Chicago IL USA. Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time: 1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens. 5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10." 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 7. Put M&M's on layaway. 8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Comedy Comes Clean A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!     Security :: #39 By Peter Prestipino - A7Alarms.com from Chicago USA. SECURITY TIP: Check the doors A lock on a flimsy door is about as effective as locking your car door but leaving the window down. · All outside doors should be metal or solid wood. · If your doors don't fit tightly in their frames, install weather stripping around them. · Install a peephole or wide angle viewer in all entry doors so you can see who is outside without opening the door. Door chains break easily and don't keep out intruders.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com