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Microsoft Jokes :: #883
By Arsen Vladimirsky from Chicago IL Unknown
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Not only that, but....
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
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Automotive :: #36
By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA.
Gas Saving Tips
- Combine errands, and trips.
- Service your car it will keep it at peak performance
- Go lightly on the gas pedal
- Don't pump your brakes
- Don't idle for long periods of time
- Don't use drive up windows...park and drive in
- Empty the car and trunk of extra items
- Put items in the trunk instead of your roof
- Drive 55 mph instead of 65 (you save 15%!)
- Don't use your air conditioning
- Use your 5th gear whenever possible
- Keep your tires properly inflated
- Buy a Fuel Saver of some kind
- Use the lowest octane gas
- Don't rev your engine
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