Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

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************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a
pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had
never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the
pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question, "Are you entering this
marriage of your own free will?" there was a long pause.
Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man
and said, "Put down yes".
-----------------------------------------------------------

A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth;
and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. Death
and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love
it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth
favour of the LORD. -Proverbs 18:20

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
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P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
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Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

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A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Judges Jokes :: #21052
By Anonymous from USA.

The millionaire was arrested for speeding and brought before the judge in a small community. When the judge offered him the alternative of paying a $10 fine or serving ten days in jail the millionaire decided to take the ten days. "But, my good man, you are wealthy," said the judge, amazement ringing his face. "Why you should prefer ten days in jail to paying a $10 fine is beyond me." "It's like this, Judge," the man explained. "Our chef left and my wife figures it'll take that long to find a new one."


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  * Highly Recommended Book  
 
  Comedy Comes Clean 5 Stars   Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Famous Quote :: #51
By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA.

QUOTE: Success, Emerson
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson



 
 
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
receive clean, Christ honoring humor simply by visiting
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

Fifteen minutes into a flight from Kansas City to Toronto,
the airplane captain turned on the intercom and announced,
"Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There
is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour
longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine
has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours.
But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has
failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours,
but don't worry--we still have one engine left."

A young passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all
day!"
-----------------------------------------------------------

When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and
seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou, be
not afraid of them: for the LORD thy God is with thee,
which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.

And it shall be, when ye are come nigh unto the battle, that
the priest shall approach and speak unto the people, and
shall say unto them, Hear, O Israel, ye approach this day
unto battle against your enemies: let not your hearts faint,
fear not, and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified
because of them.

For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight
for you against your enemies, to save you. -Deuteronomy 20:1

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
Not interested in receiving more? Click here:
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or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

Clean Joke of the Day is a recurring email that is sent 6 times every week. If you wish to leave this publication, please visit http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and type your email address into the subscribe form, select "remove"
from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

aJokeADay.com - A Joke A Day
 
The Joke of The Day
Family Jokes :: #19399
By Willie Sak from Peabody Mass. USA.

While living in Denver the weatherman said, expect 10 to 12 inches of snow tonight so park on the right side of the road so we can plow the left side. Willie's wife ran out and parked on the right side. The next week the forecast called for another 10 to 12 inches of snow, but this time he said park on the left side. So Willie's wife ran out and parked the car on the left side of the road. The following week he said 16 inches of snow expected park, the lights went out and all our power was lost. Willie's wife said, my goodness, now I don't know where to park the car. "Why don't you just leave it in the garage!" Willie said.


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  * Highly Recommended Book  
 
  Comedy Comes Clean 5 Stars   Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Legal, Taxes & Wills :: #6081
By Gary from Burlington, IA USA.

How to cut some Estate taxes
Both spouses put their property into A Bypass or credit shelter trust (AB trust). When one spouse dies, let's say the husband, his half of the property goes to the beneficiary named in the trust, often grown children. A condition is that the wife can use that property for life, including any income it creates. When she dies, that part of the property goes directly to the children without being taxed in her estate. That means the wife's taxable estate is half of what it would have been if she had inherited directly from her husband.

 
 
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Monday, June 28, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
receive clean, Christ honoring humor simply by visiting
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

I came across this letter recently and thought it quite clever.
I'm sure you will too!

"To Whom It May Concern:

"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."

Delivered a short time later:

"That fool was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only every other
line."
-----------------------------------------------------------------

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue;
but in deed and in truth.

And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our
hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater
than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart
condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.

And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his
commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name
of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us
commandment. -1 John 3:18-23

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
Not interested in receiving more? Click here:
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or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

Clean Joke of the Day is a recurring email that is sent 6 times every week. If you wish to leave this publication, please visit http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and type your email address into the subscribe form, select "remove"
from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

aJokeADay.com - A Joke A Day
 
The Joke of The Day
Marriage Jokes :: #19272
By from USA.

At a BBQ a couple was chatting with some guests when the marriage counseling topic came up. The wife very pompous commented; "Oh we'll never need that. My husband and I have an excellent relationship." "My husband was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I am listening."


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  * Highly Recommended Book  
 
  Comedy Comes Clean 5 Stars   Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Famous Quote :: #5905
By Anonymous from USA.

Resoucefulness
"Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but the instruments of the wise."

- Samuel Lover -



 
 
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Sunday, June 27, 2010

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Farmer Jokes :: #21048
By Anonymous from USA.

The farmer met his kin at the railroad station. "Uncle, I'm mighty glad to see you, he greeted. "That crate of chickens you sent me bust open just as I was going to take 'em out and they ran all over the place. I chase 'em through my neighbor's yard and only got back eleven." "You did okay," said uncle. "I only sent you six."


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  * Highly Recommended Book  
 
  Comedy Comes Clean 5 Stars   Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Health :: #5923
By Anonymous from USA.

Women and Alcohol Abuse
Know the risks

Men have typically had more problems with alcohol abuse and dependence than have women. But, unfortunately, women are catching up. According to recent studies, younger women are closing the gender gap, developing higher rates of alcohol problem than those of their older female counterparts.

That's bad news, given that women are more vulnerable to the effects of alcohol abuse than are men. Research shows that women with alcohol problems face more severe health-related consequences and possibly more years of life lost than do their male counterparts.

In addition, the progression from social drinker to alcoholic seems to be shorter for women than for men. Brain damage, liver and heart disease related to alcohol abuse tend to happen more quickly, too. In one large study, women who had more than two drinks a day were at significantly increased risk of heart disease. (One drink is defined as 12oz. of beer, 5oz. of wine or one cocktail with 1.5oz. of 80-proof liquor.)

One research suggests that there is an increased risk of breast cancer in women who use alcohol routinely. Researchers have also found that heavy drinking increased women's risk of death by 160 percent compared with light drinking. In men, the increased risk of death was 40 percent.

Note: If you are woman who likes to have an occasional drink, play it safe. Limit your alcohol consumption to one drink, or fewer, a day. High-risk drinking includes more than two drinks on any single day or more than seven drinks in one week.

Women's Health,

- Mayo Clinic -



 
 
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WeeklyJokes.com #55

Hi :),

Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com.

Q: What is your least favorite smell?

A: The smell of peanut butter being washed off of a knife in the kitchen sink. It reminds me of the smell of a dead hamster. When I was a kid my pet hamster Rosie died and it was my job to bury her. Well, I kind of procrastinated and the rich pungent smell of her decaying body was my reward for procrastinating.

Q: What is your second least favorite smell?

A: The smell of a dead hamster. It reminds me of the smell of peanut butter being washed off of a knife in the kitchen sink.


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Saturday, June 26, 2010

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Golf Jokes :: #21018
By Anonymous from USA.

A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed of and hooked the ball into that direction. But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, "How on earth did you do that?" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."


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  * Highly Recommended Book  
 
  Comedy Comes Clean 5 Stars   Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Famous Quote :: #5904
By Anonymous from USA.

Independence
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

- Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss) -



 
 
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Friday, June 25, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
receive clean, Christ honoring humor simply by visiting
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural
geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being
the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a
large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.

One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining
severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical
structure; subsequently the second member of the team
performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same
direction taken by the first team member.

In simple English what does this translate to?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling
after.
----------------------------------------------------------

How many tumbles have you taken?

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he
delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be
utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the
righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever
merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore. For
the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they
are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be
cut off.

The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for
ever. The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his
tongue talketh of judgment. The law of his God is in his
heart; none of his steps shall slide.

The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.
The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him
when he is judged. -Psalms 37:23

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
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or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

Clean Joke of the Day is a recurring email that is sent 6 times every week. If you wish to leave this publication, please visit http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and type your email address into the subscribe form, select "remove"
from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

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aJokeADay.com - A Joke A Day
 
The Joke of The Day
Doctors Jokes :: #15074
By Ed Carley from Colorado Springs Colorado USA.



A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley

motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"



The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...

"Try doing it with the engine running."




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Health :: #5964
By Anonymous from USA.

How to prevent foot cramps.
Muscle cramps commonly occur in the feet and legs, often during the middle of the night when you are sleeping. A random restless or stretching movement can induce a hard contraction of a single muscle that can't be voluntarily relaxed. Overuse of a muscle, dehydration, injury, muscle strain or simply holding a position for prolonged periods may result in a muscle cramp.

To reduce the risk of muscle cramps, drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration, warm up before your workouts, cool down afterward and don't over fatigue your muscles. If you often get foot or leg cramps at night, stretch your feet and legs before going to bed.

- Mayo Clinic -

 
 
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Thursday, June 24, 2010

About Web Humor: Kid Farm & More!

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Web Humor

Viral Videos

Pictures & Comics

Blogs



From Lukas Kaiser, your Guide to Web Humor
Are you a fan of TLC's "18 Kids And Counting"? Or, do you have 18 kids yourself? Then you might hate the viral video "Kid Farm" by Front Page Films. Everyone else should like it a lot though.

Viral Video Alert - Kid Farm
The brilliantly hilarious sketch group Front Page Films have a super-awesome new video up on the 'nets called Kid Farm. It's a parody of the Duggar family from the TLC TV show 18 Kids And Counting and if you've seen a minute of that show, HBO's Big Love or know any families with more than 4 kids, this video will make you laugh very hard.

Oh Japan: Weird Sushi Ad
You know what makes me want to eat sushi? Pictures of delicious-looking, freshly caught sushi. It doesn't take much, sushi guys. I love your product so much that a mere picture of it will make me want to eat it. You know what doesn't make me want to eat sushi? Seeing a guy and girl form a human sushi combo.

Viral Video Alert: DC Subway Dancer
He's bringing sexy back, yeah. Wow, that's a dated reference.

Break.com Site Profile
Break.com is one of the Internet's oldest viral video websites. And it rules, immensely. Check out my profile of this awesome resource for web humor.

 


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Web Humor Guide
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