Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Clean Joke of the Day

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************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

Don't you think we should have a way of telling people they
have bad breath without hurting their feelings?

Perhaps we could use phrases like, "Well I'm bored... Let's
go brush our teeth!" Or, "I've got to go make a phone call,
would you hold this gum in your mouth?"
-----------------------------------------------------------

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves:
for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use
hospitality one to another without grudging.

As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the
same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace
of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of
God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability
which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified
through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever
and ever. -1 Peter 4:8

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
Not interested in receiving more? Click here:
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or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

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A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Doctors Jokes :: #454
By Thomas Rose from Unknown

This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?" The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first." "Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?" The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."


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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Words of knowledge :: #561
By Paula from Indianapolis USA.

"I"
There are many things that life throws our way.

It is our choice on how we respond.

We have the option of becoming better or bitter.

The only difference is "I".

 
 
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Monday, June 29, 2009

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Computer Jokes :: #12467
By Kaity from Australia

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.


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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Sex tips :: #5356
By Anonymous from USA.

Do the Dishes –
Guys who help out with the housework are seen as sexier by their partners and – surprise! – have more sex a result.

 
 
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Sunday, June 28, 2009

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Scifi Jokes :: #16455
By Scorch3000 from United Kingdom

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn't work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.


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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Health tips :: #159
By Sarah Barna from Fort Worth USA.

The Joy of almonds
Almonds have as much protein per ounce as red meat. Adding almonds into your diet has shown to help reduce the risk of heart attacks by as much as 50%. This result is due to the good-for-your-heart vitamin E found in almonds. Monounsaturated fats can decrease your bad LDL cholesterol levels and increase your good HDL cholesterol levels. Antioxidants help keep your arteries young.

 
 
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Saturday, June 27, 2009

WeeklyJokes.com #3

Hi :),

Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com.


WORDS OF WISDOM

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

Who gossips to you will gossip of you.

When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.

The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.

The trouble with work is - it's so daily.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people are crazy. Check 3 friends, if they are OK, you're it.


And now I would like to invite you to claim your instant
free access to the "Ask Don't Tell Marketing
Secrets Guide" by going to
http://www.TheAskMarketingSystem.com

You'll get a 54-page Guide (in PDF format) that gives
you the secrets to ask-based marketing and shows you
how to take the guesswork out of marketing your business.

While you're there, tell us what's the biggest challenge
you have marketing your business.

From Jim Oliver (author and Marketing Coach)
& TheAskMarketingSystem

----------------------------------------

What is your biggest question concerning Golden Retrievers?

http://www.MyGoldenRetrieverSecrets.com

----------------------------------------

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Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
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http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

Today's humor was submitted by Don Brennan. Thanks Don!

Jill and John worked for an automotive manufacturer. In their
department, they had a very funny and gifted guy. One day he
composed a letter (supposedly from higher management) to be
received and acted upon by lower level managers.

The funny letter looked very official.

It stated: "It has come to our attention that some employees
have actually died at their desks and no one realized it.
The deceased made such little movement while alive that they
were dead but not really that different as they continued to
sit at their desks. It is mandatory that the bosses do a test
to see if anyone has actually died. The boss will wave a
paycheck in the front of the non moving person to see if they
react. This is not always effective, however, because some
people, though dead, have reached out for the check. The plan
is to be implemented with all due haste.
Signed: Upper Management."
-----------------------------------------------------------

He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the
hand of the diligent maketh rich. The hand of the diligent
shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute.

The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting:
but the substance of a diligent man is precious. The soul of
the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the
diligent shall be made fat.

The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but
of every one that is hasty only to want. Seest thou a man
diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he
shall not stand before mean men.

Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look
well to thy herds.
-Proverbs 10:4; 12:24, 27; 13:4; 21:5; 22:29; 27:23

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
Not interested in receiving more? Click here:
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or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

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from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

aJokeADay.com - A Joke A Day
 
The Joke of The Day
Farmer Jokes :: #740
By Anonymous from Unknown

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Miscellaneous :: #1666
By Anonymous from USA.

Do it now
Make "someday" happen today.

Use the good china tonight,

Wear the good jacket to the market and

your good cologne every day.



 
 
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Friday, June 26, 2009

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Entertainment Jokes :: #8658
By Kristin Beckstrand from Brentwood California USA.

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,

Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!

I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,

So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

Admission is free, so pay at the door.

One fine day, in the middle of the night,

two, dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back, they faced each other,

drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

and saved the lives of the two dead boys.

If you don't believe my lies are true,

ask the blind man, he saw it too!




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Stress control :: #9
By Walter Parsons from USA.

How to deal with your fears?
All negative feelings are related to fear at the same time all positive ones are related to love, thus, doubt, anger, envy, vengeance, shame and jealousy are a form of fear on the other hand, trust, compassion, joy, gratitude, appreciation are associated to love. All emotions are an important part of ourselves and should be welcome and never avoided, when you detect a feeling coming to you, as it happens hundreds of time each day, let them in, do not resist them as to do so is to generate stress.

The best way to react to negative feelings of fear and doubt is to accept them as they come in to your body energy centers, as this happen internalize and experience the tension in your chest, pit of the stomach or throat, analyze your thoughts do not resist them. Remember, you can never change the person or event causing the pain, you can either react in anger and blame yourself or others for what is taking place or you can react with love and trust toward yourself another person or circumstance generating the fear.



 
 
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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Clean Joke of the Day

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http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

In the examination paper the Professor wanted his students
to sign a form stating They had not received any outside
assistance.

Unsure of whether he should sign the form, one student
stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.

The Professor carefully studied the answer script and then
said, "You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not
assist you."
-----------------------------------------------------------

Does it sometimes feel the same to you?

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon
me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my
heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. Hide not
thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger:
thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O
God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will
take me up. Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain
path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the
will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up
against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of
the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of
good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I
say, on the LORD. -Psalms 27:7

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
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P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
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Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

Clean Joke of the Day is a recurring email that is sent 6 times every week. If you wish to leave this publication, please visit http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and type your email address into the subscribe form, select "remove"
from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

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The Joke of The Day
Political Jokes :: #9265
By alison from USA.

Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Thanks,

Billy




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Career skill tips :: #5855
By Robert Schultz from Henderson, NV USA.

Think Big


T alent: Our Creator has endowed all of us not just with the ability to sing, dance or throw a ball, but with intellectual talent. Start getting in touch with that part of you that is intellectual and develop that; and think of careers that will allow you to use that.

H onesty: If you lead a clean and honest life, you don't put skeletons in the closet. If you put skeletons in the closet, they definitely will come back just when you don't want to see them and ruin your life.

I nsight: It comes from people who have already gone where you're trying to go. Learn from their triumphs and their mistakes.

N ice: If you're nice to people, then once they get over the suspicion of why you're being nice, they will be nice to you.

K nowledge: It makes you into a more valuable person. The more knowledge you have, the more people need you. It's an interesting phenomenon, but when people need you, they pay you, so you'll be okay in life.

B ooks: They are the mechanism for obtaining knowledge, as opposed to television.

I n-Depth Learning: Learn for the sake of knowledge and understanding, rather than for the sake of impressing people or taking a test.

G od: Never get too big for Him.

From the book "Think Big" By Dr Den Carson

Also:

A Second Chance

To be happy, drop the words "if only" and substitute instead the words "next time"

- Stanley Blanton, M.D.-



 
 
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
receive clean, Christ honoring humor simply by visiting
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the
back of a well-known trucking company's vehicle: "We Go That
Extra Mile."

Then I noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just
below it: "Because We Missed the Last Exit!"
-----------------------------------------------------------

And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him
twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would
borrow of thee turn not thou away.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy
neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love
your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them
that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you,
and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father
which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the
evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on
the unjust.

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do
not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your
brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the
publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father
which is in heaven is perfect. -Matthew 5:41

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
Not interested in receiving more? Click here:
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or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

Clean Joke of the Day is a recurring email that is sent 6 times every week. If you wish to leave this publication, please visit http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and type your email address into the subscribe form, select "remove"
from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

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The Joke of The Day
Work Jokes :: #520
By Gemma Piscotti from Chicago IL USA.

There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague ... DO NOT OPEN IT.

This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.

If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had enough...

I'm off to the pub." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.

Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.



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  Milton Berle's Private Joke File 5 Stars   Milton Berle's Private Joke File
The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Miscellaneous :: #5557
By WALT HASKINS from Lahaina, Hawaii USA.

TERMINAL APATHY
Apathy wouldn't be so difficult to overcome if it weren't for the fact that in doing so it wouldn't make any difference.

 
 
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
receive clean, Christ honoring humor simply by visiting
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to
pay their expenses for a special trip. They made a large
sign, CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP, and on the given Saturday
business was very good. But by two o'clock the skies clouded
and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers.

Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea. She printed a
very large poster which said, WE WASH (then an arrow
pointing skyward) GOD RINSES. Business boomed!
-----------------------------------------------------------

Blessed is the man whom thou choosest, and causest to
approach unto thee, that he may dwell in thy courts: we
shall be satisfied with the goodness of thy house, even of
thy holy temple.

By terrible things in righteousness wilt thou answer us, O
God of our salvation; who art the confidence of all the ends
of the earth, and of them that are afar off upon the sea:
Which by his strength setteth fast the mountains; being
girded with power: Which stilleth the noise of the seas,
the noise of their waves, and the tumult of the people.

They also that dwell in the uttermost parts are afraid at
thy tokens: thou makest the outgoings of the morning and
evening to rejoice.

Thou visitest the earth, and waterest it: thou greatly
enrichest it with the river of God, which is full of water:
thou preparest them corn, when thou hast so provided for it.

Thou waterest the ridges thereof abundantly: thou settlest
the furrows thereof: thou makest it soft with showers: thou
blessest the springing thereof.

Thou crownest the year with thy goodness; and thy paths drop
fatness. -Psalms 65:4

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

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Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

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