Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com.
DO THE RIGHT THING!
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and its half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man is drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" and the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
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FRUIT CAKE
1 cup water
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups of flour
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 cup chopped nuts
1 gallon wine
Sample the wine to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the wine again to make sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
Repeat if you're not sure.
Turn on the electric mixer and beat 1 cup of butter in a large bowl.
Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
Make sure the wine is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with drewscriver.
Sample the wine again to check for tonsisticity.
Next sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Who cares.
Check the wine.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add 1 tablespoon. Of sugar or flour or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake pan to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw one bowl out the window.
Check the wine again. Go to bed.
Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway????
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