A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Marriage Jokes :: #610 By SimpleSentiments from Pembroke Pines Florida USA. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.  In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."  The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."  "Why not," giggles the woman.  "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."  Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Comedy Comes Clean A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!     Safety :: #6053 By Michelle Welch from Sarnia, Ontario Canada Survival Kit When a disaster hits like a tornado, flood, an evacuation, or a long term power outage occurs in your area will you be prepared or not. Why not have a (72 Hour Survival Kit) handy just in case and emergency happens. 1. Flashlight and spare batteries, or one of the crank flashlights. 2. Radio and batteries or one of the crank type radios. 3. First aid kit. 4. Candles and waterproof matches or a lighter. 5. Extra car keys and cash including coins for pay phones as the debit machines might not work, and make sure you have your cell phone and your charger for the car. 6. Important papers identification for everyone, and personal documents. 7. Food and bottled water for everyone in the family at least 3 days worth. 8. Disposable plates, knives, forks, spoons, cups, and garbage bags. 9. Fuel stove such as a Coleman stove for cooking. 10. Clothing and footwear one change per person for 3 days. 11. Blankets and sleeping bags for each person. 12. Toilet paper, diapers and personal needs for each person. 13. Medication, (and what it is for) eyeglasses, list of prescriptions, and doctors name and phone number. 14. Pet supplies for your pets and their recent vaccination records. 15. Playing cards, games, and toys to occupy your time. 16. Get a large plastic tote label it Emergency Kit put a sticker on it as to the date when the food, water, medications, and the pet food was put in so that there is no out of date things in your kit. Have at least 4 liters of water per person per day and 3 liters per pet. Food for the kit should be, canned meats, soups, stews, beans, vegetables, fruits, honey, peanut butter, jams, and canned milk. The dry food should be crackers, biscuits, cookies, instant coffee, tea bags, sugar, salt, pepper, and powdered milk. Now you are all set for an emergency, and let's hope it never happens.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

WeeklyJokes.com #64

Hi :),

Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com.

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key!!

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.

You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you BECOME 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, youREACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime and it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health : If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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and unstringing my instrument,
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- Tagore

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