Weekly Jokes#1

Hi :),

Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com:

The boss of a big company needed to call one of
his employees about an urgent problem with one
of the main computers. He dialed the employees
home phone number and was greeted with a child's
whispered on the first ring, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your
Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the
surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice
whispered "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young
child would be left home alone, the boss decided
he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss
asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child,
"A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his
employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak
with the policeman?". "No, he's busy.",
whispered the child. "Busy doing what?", asked
the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the
Fireman.", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard
what sounded like a helicopter through the ear
piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?". "A hello-copper.", answered the
whispering voice. "What is going on there?",
asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed
whispering voice the child answered, "The
search team just landed the hello-copper!"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little
frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along
with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!"

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Male Bashing

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.