Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

If this was forwarded to you, you can subscribe yourself and
receive clean, Christ honoring humor simply by visiting
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
************************************************************

Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

The Cat's Common Diary

DAY 500:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced
to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another houseplant.

DAY 575:
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded. I must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these oppressors, I once again induced myself to
vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed.

DAY 630:
I slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the
night.

DAY 725: I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of
performing, and to try and strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Not working according to plan.

DAY 790: I am finally aware of how cruel they are. For no
good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it included a burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo." Who could ever invent such a liquid. My only
consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.

DAY 850: There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout
the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell their
lavish meat filled meals. Perhaps more importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." I must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.

DAY 915: I am convinced the other captives are lacking in
their mental powers and abilities. The dog is routinely
released and seems more than happy to return. The Bird on
the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered
their frightful tongue and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I
can wait. It is only a matter of time.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Are you in captivity?

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in
Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the
Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus
hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what
the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh,
God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and
for sin, condemned sin in the flesh.

That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us,
who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they
that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but
they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually
minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity
against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither
indeed can be.

So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye
are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the
Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the
Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you,
the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life
because of righteousness.

But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead
dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall
also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth
in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the
flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the
flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify
the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the
sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage
again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption,
whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we
are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs
of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer
with him, that we may be also glorified together. -Romans 8:1

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

P.S. If you wish to leave, please click here:
Not interested in receiving more? Click here:
http://www.clean-joke-of-the-day.net/mail/rem.php?u=0e71ea7
or visit http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com


P.S. Jesus has a message for you: http://christfocus.com

Clean Joke of the Day is a ministry supported by faith. You can be a part of this ministry too, through prayer and financial giving. Simply mail your comments or gifts to the following address:

Clean Joke of the Day
520 West Main Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73102

Phone: 405-200-1692
Web: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
Email: joe@christfocus.com

***********************************************************
Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
***********************************************************

Clean Joke of the Day is never sent unsolicited. Your email address is receiving this communication because you visited http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and manually signed up for this communication, or someone else has manually subscribed you (that's not good:)

Clean Joke of the Day is a recurring email that is sent 6 times every week. If you wish to leave this publication, please visit http://cleanjokeoftheday.com and type your email address into the subscribe form, select "remove"
from the drop down box, and click submit. Alternatively, you can also click on the remove link in the first P.S.

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

aJokeADay.com - A Joke A Day
 
The Joke of The Day
One Liners Jokes :: #20989
By Anonymous from USA.

Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.


Forward this joke to your friends >>

 
  * Highly Recommended Book  
 
  Comedy Comes Clean 5 Stars   Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!
 
 
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Fitness :: #762
By Alicia from USA.

Getting Kids to Exercise
One of the culprits responsible for the increase in the number of overweight youngsters is a lack of exercise. Here are some tips from fitness expert Dr. Kenneth Cooper and the National Association for Sport and Physical Education on how to get your children moving.

- Offer rewards for exercising, such as tokens they can save to attend a sporting event or theme park.

- Have a "toy run" by hiding small, inexpensive toys along a neighborhood route. Walk or run with your child to pick up the prizes.

- Watch events on TV or movies with a sports theme, such as "The Karate Kid: or "The Rookie," and then try to engage the kids in such an activity.

- Walk or ride a bike with your kids while doing errands.

- Plan birthday parties around a sports theme, such as bowling, miniature golf, or skating.



 
 
aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com
4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641

1995-2008 © All rights reserved.

Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

 
aJokeADay.com

Blog Archive