Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

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Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

The Cat's Common Diary

DAY 500:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced
to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another houseplant.

DAY 575:
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded. I must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these oppressors, I once again induced myself to
vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed.

DAY 630:
I slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
depriving, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the
night.

DAY 725: I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of
performing, and to try and strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Not working according to plan.

DAY 790: I am finally aware of how cruel they are. For no
good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it included a burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo." Who could ever invent such a liquid. My only
consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.

DAY 850: There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout
the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell their
lavish meat filled meals. Perhaps more importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." I must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.

DAY 915: I am convinced the other captives are lacking in
their mental powers and abilities. The dog is routinely
released and seems more than happy to return. The Bird on
the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered
their frightful tongue and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I
can wait. It is only a matter of time.
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Are you in captivity?

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in
Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the
Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus
hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what
the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh,
God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and
for sin, condemned sin in the flesh.

That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us,
who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they
that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but
they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually
minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity
against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither
indeed can be.

So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye
are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the
Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the
Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you,
the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life
because of righteousness.

But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead
dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall
also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth
in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the
flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the
flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify
the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the
sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage
again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption,
whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we
are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs
of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer
with him, that we may be also glorified together. -Romans 8:1

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

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Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

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