Sunday, April 11, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

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Howdy :), it's me, Joe Cosity here!

Funny courtroom lawyer/witness interactions...

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at
all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did
you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.


And finally, the questions withdrawn...

Q: And the youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the
war?

Q: Now the defendant, did he kill you?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
-----------------------------------------------------------

How would you respond to questioning?

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be
ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. But
beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils,
and they will scourge you in their synagogues; and ye shall
be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a
testimony against them and the Gentiles.

But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye
shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour
what ye shall speak.

For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father
which speaketh in you.

And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and
the father the child: and the children shall rise up against
their parents, and cause them to be put to death. And ye
shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.

But he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
-Matthew 10:16

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

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Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

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The Joke of The Day
Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #839
By Samantha Oberholz from Unknown

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."

"Great. Where do you live?"

"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."



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Use third party libraries cautiously!
While third party or open source libraries can save you time, make sure they really fulfill the needs of your project before you commit. You could end up spending many hours of your time debugging and enhancing code you don't understand very well.

 
 
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