Are You a People Pleaser?

Chronic people pleasing can breed frustration, resentment, and personal willpower, and it can degrade the quality of both our relationships and our sense of self.

Let's take five minutes to see this week in a new light. By Wendy Rose Gould & Amy Morin, LCSW, Editor-in-Chief Top of Mind Are You a People Pleaser?   Wanting others to feel good is a wonderful quality to have, but when you trespass into "people pleasing" territory it can have a detrimental effect on your own well-being. When pleasing others goes too far, we tend to neglect our own needs which, over time, can create feelings of anxiety or stress due to not meeting these needs.   Chronic people pleasing can also breed frustration and resentment, deplete our willpower, and degrade the quality of both our relationships and our sense of self.   It's important to find ways to set boundaries and take back your time. Remind yourself that you can't please everyone," — KENDRA CHERRY, MS   Signs You're a People Pleaser People pleasers may: Struggle with saying no (or feel guilty when saying no) Feel preoccupied about what others think Agree with things they don't believe or like Neglect their own needs to tend to others' Take blame or say sorry for something that isn't their fault Experience feelings of low self-worth   Why We People Please Chronic people pleasing may be caused by poor self-esteem since a lack of self-confidence causes us to strive for external validation. It may also be caused by perfectionism in cases where we worry others may perceive us as "less than" if we don't "live up" to our potential. Past traumas can also play a role in people pleasing; being agreeable and passive in every situation avoids conflict, which can trigger intense feelings. How to Curb Your People-Pleasing Habits Being kind to others and awarding grace where it's due are positive attributes. The line is drawn when we begin sacrificing our own needs and desires to accommodate others.   Curbing people pleasing behaviors requires us to first identify, establish, and maintain boundaries in our personal and professional lives. It can also help to set certain goals and priorities, especially as it pertains to our overall wellbeing. Finally, try replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations.   On the Bright Side Ways to Stay Positive This Week Ways to Nurture Your Mind and Body  This week, take 15 minutes to identify a few recent examples where you said or did something you didn't want to do out of fear of upsetting others. What positive things could have happened in these scenarios if you did, in fact, say no? Would you have been able to say yes to something else? Spend more time with your family or friends? Reframing the idea of saying yes to something and saying no to other things can help us make healthier decisions for ourselves. "The Better Boundaries Workbook"—created by Sharon Martin, LCSW—is a cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)-based program that helps you establish boundaries and better express your needs so you can foster healthy, authentic relationships. Take a little me-time via a nice, relaxing soak in the tub. Umbra's Bamboo Bathtub Caddy/Tray can help make the experience even more soothing.   This Week on The Verywell Mind Podcast   On tomorrow's episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, I talk with NBA player Kyle Guy, who first made headlines when he led the University of Virginia Cavaliers to their first-ever national championship.    Tune in tomorrow to hear him talk openly about the struggles he's experiencing, his anxiety, and the steps he's taking to build mental strength both on and off the court.   Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / RSS Read These Next 10 Common Traits of a Perfectionist READ NOW Why Some People Are More Sensitive to Rejection Than Others READ NOW How to Strengthen Your Willpower READ NOW Spread the Light Share the newsletter with someone you know to make their day a little brighter. SHARE We're open to suggestions! If you have any feedback about this newsletter, let us know at feedback@verywell.com.     You are receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to the Healthy Mind newsletter. If you wish to unsubscribe, please click here. If someone forwarded you this email, you can subscribe here!   A DOTDASH BRAND 28 Liberty Street, 7th Floor, New York, NY, 10005   © 2021 Verywellmind.com - All rights reserved. Privacy Policy