A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Scifi Jokes :: #688 By Donna Stuckert from USA.  Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).  The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact.  According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, viceneutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion  leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass". Forward this joke to your friends >>   Home Life :: #946 By Naveed Azhar from Karachi Pakistan Living with Family Living alone will probably lead you to become an ordinary person before you die. But managing your family promises success in all aspects of life. In this challenging world, where you have so many options available, people generally tend to do business with person who is reliable, authentic and active member of his family and social gathering. Remember! All the leaders that you have ever seen have maintained their families but followers rarely did.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

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Judges Jokes :: #31 By Kimberly Rosel from Unknown Insurance Company A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Nutrition :: #652 By Johnny B. from Portland USA. ITS TRUE! Drinking a glass or two of wine everyday is actually good for you. A recent study says that people who regularly drink a glass of wine get fewer colds than the average person. Just don't go overboard, too much of anything is never a good thing. Apparently, it's the flavonoids on grape skin that do the trick, which means you could just eat some grapes everyday, too.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Doctors Jokes :: #449 By from Unknown A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town's grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #216 By Kevin Hughs from Madison USA. Laughter The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. -- E. E. Cummings, 1894-1962, American Poet     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

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Little Johnny Jokes :: #10508 By Opal from Singapore A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well "Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10" "Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?" "A jack" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Proverbs :: #440 By Jacqui Wong from Hong Kong China Trials and Tribulations The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. - Chinese Proverb     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

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Miscellaneous Jokes :: #8817 By xiomara zachary from dallas texas USA. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?" God replied, "Girl, I didn't recognize you" Forward this joke to your friends >>   One-Liners :: #654 By Alex C. from Mt. Orab USA. Life unlived Dont be afraid of death, be afraid of an unlived life.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Police Jokes :: #1099 By Emzy from Unknown A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said, "Hi, I'm the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?" Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his coke. He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leant out and said, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?" "Registration and license please" came the reply. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Weight Control :: #829 By Ana Bogdanovic from Ellenbrook Australia Nothing tastes as good as feeling thin! If you think you're going to cave and eat that whole box of cookies, just remember how you will feel afterwards. Guilty, sad, angry? Does it feel as good as you thought? Was it worth it? Of course not. It will just set you back on the yo-yo rollercoaster which is really hard to get off. If you really must, just have one - not the whole box!     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com

About Web Humor: Narcissism in Four Panels: Least I Could Do

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Web Humor Web Humor Viral Videos Pictures & Comics Blogs From Lukas Kaiser, your Guide to Web Humor Narcissism in Four Panels: Least I Could Do In the history of entertainment, there's been many great narcissists. Charlie on "Two and a Half Men". Gordon Gekko. Dr. House. Della Reese's "Tess" on "Touched by an Angel" (no,... Read more Angry Video Game Nerd: Reminiscing About the Crappy Old Days Nostalgia is usually filtered through rose colored glasses, with the regrettable aspects of old times faded through the fog of time. But you can bet that James Rolfe, the Angry... Read more Sharks: Vicious, Deadly; Also Inconsiderate From Jaws to Open Water to Shark Attack 3: Megaladon, shocks have alternately terrified, bored and campily amused us. But have you ever been inconvenienced by a shark? Have you ever... Read more Blogs, Tweets & Emails Humor collected from blog posts, social network sites like Facebook and Myspace, Twitter and email forwards. Web Humor Ads Funny Funny Dog Pictures Humor Very Funny Pics Funny Baby Dance More about Web Humor Holiday Humor Smart Stuff For Kids Funny Websites Viral Videos Best of the Best   More from About.com Should You Go Back to School? Have you been thinking about resuming your education? These eight questions may help you figure it out. More> 5 Tips for Adult Students Whether it's finding the money or worrying about tests, going back to school can be stressful for adult students. More> This newsletter is written by: Lukas Kaiser Web Humor Guide Email Me | My Blog | My Forum   Sign up for more free newsletters on your favorite topics You are receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to the About Web Humor newsletter. If you wish to change your email address or unsubscribe, please click here. About respects your privacy: Our Privacy Policy Contact Information: 249 West 17th Street New York, NY, 10011 © 2011 About.com   Must Reads What Is a Viral Video? The Top 20 Viral Videos The 20 Funniest Celebrities on Twitter The Best Super Bowl Ads 2010 The 20 Funniest Webcomics Advertisement

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

Marriage Jokes :: #695 By Donna Stuckert from USA. A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Love & Dating :: #1635 By Kristie from Fayetteville USA. No-one's perfect No-one is perfect......until you fall in love with them!     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokesbyemail@gmail.com