Monday, April 30, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #16405
By Laura Harrison from USA.

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Shopping :: #2094
By KaBid! Online Auctions from Wilmington, NC USA.

Choose your auction payment methods carefully
When shopping online at auction sites, remember to choose carefully which payment methods to use....before you bid. Online auctions have become one of the fastest growing internet businesses to date. But with this explosive growth, and widespread popularity we also see a great deal of fraud. Protect yourself by avoiding sellers that only allow wire transfers and money orders for "big-ticket" items. These payment methods do not allow you any means of refund, should the seller not follow through with the sale. By utilizing a trustworthy payment processor, like PayPal (an ebay company) you leave yourself an open door to refund, if need be. But, always read the fine print. Even these methods are looking to limit the amounts of refund. The very best way to guarantee your safe auction purchase is to use a trusted Escrow Service. Escrow Services are "middle-men companies that will hold your funds from the seller until you give the OK that the item is as described. Then, and only then, will they forward your money to the seller, completing the transaction. There is a small fee for this, and a seller should not mind agreeing to their use....if they're confident in the item being sold. Escrow is typically used on transactions over $400.00. For amounts lower than that, you'll just have to rely on the seller's feedback rating and your good judgement.

 
 
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Sunday, April 29, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Animal Jokes :: #876
By Hector S. from Chicago IL USA.

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Self-Improvement :: #1216
By Sandra from Durham USA.

People Skills
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, but that you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

 
 
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Saturday, April 28, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Airplane Jokes :: #22302
By Anonymous from USA.

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!".

"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Travel :: #649
By Sarah Peterson from New York USA.

Get to know the locals
Wherever you go, locals are the key to finding out the best places to go whether it be for a nice dinner or to a deserted beach. Befriending locals can bring you knowledge of all the secret places that most tourists dream of. Take the time to talk to people and you'll get some good tips on where to go and end up learning a lot more about the places you visit.

 
 
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Friday, April 27, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Family Jokes :: #3521
By anynonomous from florida USA.

One day a boy asked his grandpa "grandpa make a frog sound"

The grandfather asked why?

The boy said, "Grandma says when you croak we are going to Hawaii"




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Fitness :: #762
By Alicia from USA.

Getting Kids to Exercise
One of the culprits responsible for the increase in the number of overweight youngsters is a lack of exercise. Here are some tips from fitness expert Dr. Kenneth Cooper and the National Association for Sport and Physical Education on how to get your children moving.

- Offer rewards for exercising, such as tokens they can save to attend a sporting event or theme park.

- Have a "toy run" by hiding small, inexpensive toys along a neighborhood route. Walk or run with your child to pick up the prizes.

- Watch events on TV or movies with a sports theme, such as "The Karate Kid: or "The Rookie," and then try to engage the kids in such an activity.

- Walk or ride a bike with your kids while doing errands.

- Plan birthday parties around a sports theme, such as bowling, miniature golf, or skating.



 
 
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Thursday, April 26, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Work Jokes :: #17206
By Ed Carley from Colorado Springs Colorado USA.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."



The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Famous Quote :: #4836
By Andrew from Australia

Intelligence
"If I had 6 hours to cut down a tree I would spend 4 hours sharpening the axe."

- Abraham Lincoln -



 
 
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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Teachers Jokes :: #901
By Jeremy from Vienna West Virginia Unknown

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said:

"First Question: Which tire was flat?"



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Weight Control :: #525
By Gene from Skiatook,OK USA.

Weight loss made easy.
The number one way we burn calories is exercise, number two is digesting food. Ask you doctor how many calories you should eat in a day to control your weight, Divide this by five. Eating five smaller meals spread out over a day will actually fool our body into burning more calories by working all day.

 
 
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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Baby Jokes :: #4741
By Red from Mississauga Ontario Canada

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Legal, Taxes & Wills :: #3720
By John Dillow from Gresham USA.

Life's answers
No one decides they want to be born into this world, but we have a choice how we want to live and die out of this world.

 
 
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Monday, April 23, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Male Jokes :: #90
By Nicole from Unknown

This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here — see?!" The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?" "Check this out — I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"


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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Famous Quote :: #51
By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA.

QUOTE: Success, Emerson
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson



 
 
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Sunday, April 22, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Miscellaneous Jokes :: #4609
By Jennifer from Oklahoma USA.

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.



They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and

family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say

about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the

greates doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful

husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our

children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies,

"I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Money :: #693
By Hillary Madison from Los Angeles USA.

Buying new furniture?
Buying new furniture is a sure way to take a bite out of your savings account, but it doesn't have to be that bad. Here are a few ways you can save while furnishing your home:

Buy furniture from a furniture rental store- Furniture rental outlets often have retail shops where they'll sell their slightly used furniture at clearance prices.

Buy furniture from a model home- Brand new furniture at clearance prices from model home builders Look under Homes in the yellow pages.

Buy directly from the manufacturer- If you know what you want try dropping into the manufacturer's outlet or give them a call and order directly from them. It cuts out all the middlemen which lower prices.



 
 
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Saturday, April 21, 2012

A Joke A Day - Jokes ByEmail

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The Joke of The Day
Female Jokes :: #966
By Anonymous from Unknown

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Self-Improvement :: #4044
By JWD from USA.

When you are feeling down


1. If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

2. The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.

3. Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

4. The best vitamin for making friends....B1.

5. The 10 commandments are not multiple choices.

6. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

7. Minds are like parachutes...they function only when open.

8. Ideas won't work unless YOU do.

9. One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

10. One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

11. The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.

12. Don't learn safety rules by accident.

13. We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.

14. Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.

15. A turtle makes progress when it sticks its head out.

16. One thing you can give and still keep ...is your word.

17. A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.

18. The pursuit of happiness is: the chase of a lifetime!

- JWD -





 
 
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