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Work Jokes :: #576
By Gemma Piscotti from Chicago IL USA.
Way to keep healthy level of insanity in the workplace
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?"
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet.
14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
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Fitness :: #832
By A1 World Nutrition from Cincinnati USA.
Eat more to weigh less!
If you want to lose weight permanently, eating several small meals throughout the day to help you with this. Try to eat a small meal consisting of protein, fat, and complex carbohydrate. An example would be; for breakfast 1 hard boiled egg, and an orange, at 10am have a can of tuna on toast, for lunch a Chicken breast and any vegetable, at 2pm have a protein shake, for dinner a chicken breast and vegetable, in the evening have some celery and peanut butter. You get the idea. Avoid sugar, bread, pasta, salt, but not fat.
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