What Really Happens When We Bottle Up Our Emotions

It can prevent us from truly connecting with others, impede our physical and mental health, and can even impact our self-esteem and sense of self.

Let's take five minutes to see this week in a new light. By Wendy Rose Gould & Amy Morin, LCSW, Editor-in-Chief Top of Mind What Happens When We Bottle Up Our Emotions    Holding our emotions close often feels like the safest and easiest way to move through the world. Doing so can backfire, though.   Not only does it prevent us from wholly expressing our needs—which can lead to a buildup of frustration and resentment—but it can prevent us from truly connecting with others and even impede our physical and mental health. Bottling up emotions can even impact our self-esteem and sense of self.   The reasons we bottle up our emotions can vary, but they all seem to stem from a fear of vulnerability. Out of this fear, we react through self-protective emotional measures." — COLLEEN MULLEN, PSYD, LMFT   Signs You're Bottling Emotions In some scenarios we're fully aware we're setting our own emotions and feelings aside. Other times, it's not so obvious because the behavior is chronic and subconscious. Here are a few signs that point to consistent bottling of emotions:  It seems like others don't "get you" You feel like your needs are pushed aside You develop feelings of resentment toward others Your time with others feels unfulfilling You don't feel like you're in control of your life or trajectory Getting Better at Expressing Yourself Expressing our emotions doesn't always come naturally, especially if we've consistently set our feelings aside over a period of time. It takes practice, but over time you'll strengthen that muscle.   You can start by focusing on positive feelings, which are often easier to communicate. (For example, telling others when you feel grateful for something they've done.)   From there, you can graduate to neutral or disappointed feelings and expressions, such as "I feel like you're not hearing me" or "I'm frustrated that I need to bring this topic up again."      On the Bright Side Ways to Stay Positive This Week Ways to Nurture Your Mind and Body  This week, take 15 minutes to identify times when you put your own needs aside and opted to not express your feelings. What was the reason you opted to take that route, and how did it pan out? What would have happened if you gently expressed your feelings in that moment? Would the outcome have been different? Would you have felt better? For a fascinating look into emotional science, check out "How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain." It was written by esteemed psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett. Vocalizing our feelings isn't easy, but The Box of Emotions can help develop your skill set. Each card in the 80-piece deck features a specific emotion complete with beautiful graphics.   This Week on The Verywell Mind Podcast   On tomorrow's episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, I talk with multi-platinum singer Bryan Abrams. As his band, Color Me Badd, rose to fame and sold millions of records, Bryan dealt with some serious private battles—including depression, an eating disorder, and drinking too much.    Tune in to hear his story about finding help when you need it.   Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / RSS Read These Next Repression as a Defense Mechanism READ NOW How to Know If You Have Intimacy Issues READ NOW 40 Questions to Help Build Intimacy in a Relationship READ NOW Spread the Light Share the newsletter with someone you know to make their day a little brighter. SHARE We're open to suggestions! If you have any feedback about this newsletter, let us know at feedback@verywell.com.     You are receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to the Healthy Mind newsletter. If you wish to unsubscribe, please click here. If someone forwarded you this email, you can subscribe here!   A DOTDASH BRAND 28 Liberty Street, 7th Floor, New York, NY, 10005   © 2021 Verywellmind.com - All rights reserved. Privacy Policy